I’m going to start this entry by acknowledging something that’s been annoying me.
The fact is, I’m not too fond of this blogging format that I’ve found myself falling into.
I write my blog posts in note form on my phone each week, but then I struggle to get all the way through to publishing a completed article. As of writing this I’m about to hit a 4 week backlog.
My problem doesn’t seem to be writing, or keeping up with writing, it’s FINISHING. Oh lord, do I have a problem with finishing these days.
The same is true of almost every creative pursuit of mine. I have unfinished songs, unfinished scrapbooks, unfinished videos, unfinished collabs, and now unfinished blogs to add to the pile!
I haven’t quite worked out the solution to this yet, but what I have realised is that my problem stems from a lack of having fun. I’ve been taking it all so painfully seriously the last few years, that I’ve forgotten to just be silly and make mistakes sometimes. I so want to deliver polished products to an audience that I’ve done too well in stamping out all the things that make me appear human. And I’ve certainly strangled all the fun out of it.
In my letter to myself (that I write at the start of each year) I’ve made some decisions on how I’m going to tackle this lack of enjoyment. I’ve given myself some genuinely fun things to try out and I’ve taken the pressure off by limiting what I’m going to share with other people, at least for the time being.
So, without further ado, here is an excerpt from my Letter to Myself, 2024.
Things to do this Year
FAWM February Album Writing Month
BUT Keep it off social media. Blog about it. Show friends. Record what you do. Log your experiences. Make a video about it, but don’t feel like you have to ‘contentify’ the process to such a degree that you kill the art happening inside you.
More YouTube Videos
You already have enough material for several of these. Don’t make a schedule. Just make things out of all the stuff you’ve been collecting.
Studio Space
Do something with your room that will turn it into a den of creative pursuits. Everything you need to create, at hand. Only useful things, ever at your disposal. A space to film content if you decide that’s what you’d like to do. And embrace the awful wallpaper!!
Stop interet collaborations for now
Don’t take an any new online collaborations. Finish up what you have. Any new collabs must be IRL, for example working with the bf.
Performing Live
You now have a going out at night buddy!
Go to open mic nights in Preston and get a feel for singing non-church material live.
Do it as often as you can. Make new music friends. It’s time to move in the real word more and balance all that you’ve been doing in the virtual world.
Recording Demo Vocals
Make the best vocal recordings you can for all of your album tracks so you have something to show when you take it to the studio. Create detailed notes about delivery, texture, harmonies. Write out the pitches of more complex arrangements – use those manuscript books you got!
Blogging Regularly
Get your thoughts out there so you can feel the benefit of writing it all out, and also have the added bonus of attracting a new follower here or there. Remember, all of the things you are doing are for you.
Love yourself. Include yourself in the circle of people you love and commit yourself to.
Be for you.
I think that’s proboldy enough to be getting on with.
Start doing there things for yourself instead of for some grand purpose, or future success, or some audience you’re yet to meet but you’re sure must be judging you. Turn that hard work and dedication inwards.
Words for the Year
Did you know I have another new year tradition that I completely forgot to include in my New Year’s entry?
I write out words for the year.
This year’s words are a lot less ‘buzzwordy’ for want of a better term. I’ve thought about how they fit into my planned creative activities for the year and they do fit quite snugly together, so there’s hope I might get some of these things done!
Words for the Year 2024
- Imperfection
- Inwards
- Voice
- Re-emerge
This year I’m determined to shed my perfectionism in favour of a more human approach to creativity and to living itself. Working until ‘it’s right’ has certainly gotten me quite far on my journey as an artist. I’m now able to do many things I wasn’t able to before and I’ve gained skills to level I didn’t think I’d reach. But my fear of ‘getting it wrong’ and also ‘getting it wrong in front of people poised to criticise my every move’ is stopping me from getting to the next stage.
Sometimes there really are people who just love to make you feel terrible about the fact you’ve shared something you made. I should know. I had one individual follow me around for two years just to leave snide or cryptic remarks, even on my side projects. However, in general, that isn’t the case, and even when it is, that is absolutely not a reason to be afraid. What you need is security in what you’ve done. You should know that YOU like it. You should feel like you had fun and learned something.
So, this year, I’m going to let people see my imperfection and I’m going to have fun. I’m going to say, I actually like what I’ve made today. I’ve learned how to do something. I’ve learned how not to do something. I am satisfied with my work.
Because up until now I haven’t been satisfied with my work! And that’s perhaps part of the reason any kind of criticism hurts so much. Like, I know what I’m doing is lacking, pointing it out makes me not want to show it. Or at least, only show things I don’t care about enough for criticism of it to hurt.
Be Experimental
A few days ago I came across a post about a 10 day vocal improvisation challenge by a musician and coach I follow called BexX. I’m currently on day 7 of 10 and already I feel like I’ve been able to embody all four of my words for the year.
Today I got to try out singing from a graphic score which is something I haven’t done since I was on my music degree.
The challenge is still open if you’d like to try it yourself. I submit my assignments using the Be Vocal app, but there’s also a way of doing it through the accompanying Facebook group and BexX is very friendly so do put in for it if it sounds like something you’d be interested in.
I think that’s enough for today’s entry.
I’m truly looking forward to my work now. For the first time in a very long time.
Love always,
Caryl